Pardon me for using vulgarities in this entry.
But I just want to rant in here.
Work is so torturous.
I'm sad enough that i didn't get into A&E.
And for those who do not know, I actually got into Plastic Surgery & Eye ward.
Sounds interesting and cool right?!
It is! And I love the job scope there.
But the working environment sucks to the max!
And I thought that it shouldn't be difficult to blend into the ward.
I'm so wrong.
SO WRONG.
The fact that I'm new and the only one in the batch of August to get into this particular ward just makes things worst.
I'm like totally on my own.
Furthermore, I know nuts about PLASTIC SURGERY/EYE.
And when I tried to ask for help in something,
the staff there are hostile and FUCKING unfriendly!

Ward sister: "Everyone, we have a new staff today, she just came back from Australia, she is a degree holder."
Nurse 1: "wahh u already got ur degree, we only diploma lehh. You're so much more senior than us leh."
Nurse 2: " Yahh lahh, degree lehh, we want to take also cannot loh."

Every single shit also associate with my degree.
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!
I personally don't think that having a degree is any greater.
My pay is only a pathetic $100 more.
My designation is still the same as them- staff nurse 1.
DAMMIT!
Seriously, if they want to be so sulky about it then jolly well go ahead and take the course.
Who is bloody stopping them man.
Freakingg pissed off sometimes.
Each time I try to brace myself up thinking that things will get better each day,
they never fail to disappoint me.
I ended up losing confidence towards this ward.
The more I dread going to work.
I even thought of transferring ward but that's like so LOSER isn't it?
I don't want to be a LOSER!
Well, I just hope for the better.
I really do hope and I'm trying to convince myself.
I'm hopeful!

Started work for a week already.
Can't believe I'm officially a nurse.
Mixed feelings within me.
But, I'm sure i will be able to pull through!
:)
And tomorrow I'm gonna know which department I'm in.
Hopefully i will be able to get into A&E!
I'm being very very very hopeful.
But omg, what if i dun get into A&E?
No no no.
I don't want to think about it. HAHA.
Okay, time to hit the sacks.
Nitez peeps!

P.S I'm exciteddd cos I'm meeting Pris and Gus tmr! :DDD

I'm freakinggg sick and lethargic.
I'm so dying.

I just came back from Bangkok.
A fruitful yet tiring trip though.
Very happy to be able to see my family and friends there.
Had loads of fun.
And thankfully, my dearest grandpa is fine now.
He is on medications.
It will probably take awhile to recover but at least he is stable.
:DDD
And I realised that my blog has been really boring.
The lack of photos maybe?
HAHA.
I haven't even posted anything about Taiwan yet.
Feeling really lazy.
Furthermore, I feel really ugly now seriously.
The weight gain causing my round face, fat arms, fat thighs, everywhere round
like SERIOUSLY!
Plus my very poor skin condition now.
I ought or rather NEED to do something about it.
Before I really kill myself.
And I think I'm on the verge of doing that already.


*****

Ohh, and I have decided.
I want to go Thailand and study Thai language like properly.
To be able to write and read.
I might be able to have a career switch in the later part of my life.
Not that the language school in Singapore is not good.
But I just feel like experiencing being a full-fledged Thai for a period of time.
I want to stay there for a year or something!
Sounds like a crazy idea, but I'm serious!
I'm so planning for it now.
Xueyi is so right.
I can't seem to stay in Singapore for long.
HAHAHA.
Well well, I loveee travelling!
HEHEHE.
:DDD
Man and I'm gonna start working like next monday!
Dreading it.
Hope I get into one of my 3 choices.
My 1st choice is A&E.
2nd choice is Burns unit.
3rd choice is Day surgery.
The best thing would be to get into the day surgery department man.
5 days work week!
HAHAHA.
Pray for me pleaseeeee.


*****

On a heavier note,
I have been feeling really emo and lifeless.
Sighs.
My mind is constantly thinking of many many things.
Friendships especially.
Sometimes I wonder why things turned out this way.
Maybe I could have done something to prevent all this from happening?
Or rather I could have handled the situation better there and then?
I cant help but feeling sad and yet I really dont know how to start getting the friendships back.
I'm afraid of rejection and the akwardness.
Really afraid.
She is one of my bestest girlfriend.
The endless conversations and nonsensical stuff we do together.
From online shopping --> endless eating --> school --> malaysia --> travelling together right up to studying in Australia together.
Everything.
I do miss it.
He is my buddy.
He never fail to cheer me up.
The endless stuff we talked about.
The 3 tier muffins on my 21st Birthday especially.
And he never fail to make me sing Sing Star over and over again.
All these sweet memories that will stay in my heart forever.
I don't know when will we be like last time again.
Or maybe it's impossible.
All I want to say is I really treasure the times we spent together.
And I really miss you both.
Thanks Shanel. Thanks David.

I'm blogging in my hotel room in Bangkok now.
Walked around Suan Lum Night Bazzar just now.
Loving it.
:)
Though I have been here umpteen times, I never ever once got sick of it.
I feel very relaxed.
And most importantly very very happy.
I don't know why.
Maybe this place feels like home.
And this trip is not only a short getaway, but also a trip to visit my dearest grandpa.
He is very very sick now.
His intestine ruptured due to the excessive intake of alcohol.
The 1st operation was a success and he is in the midst of waiting for the 2ND one.
I hope he will get well soon.
I love him and I can't imagine losing him.
So I pray really hard.
Please my dear Buddha, please bless my grandpa.
:)

*****
And I hope you forget me not.

I'm waiting with patience.

I hate my intuition.
It's always there telling me what would happen next.
Telling me all the bad things.
The disappointment. The sadness.
I really hate it.
Cos it never fails to make me upset.
It never fails to make me cry.